| Wow.. haven't been on here in a loooong time.... |
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| 07:33pm 28/10/2007 |
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mood:  curious
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I haven't been on here in a long time... I think I might have to delete this journal and start from scratch all over again. But who knows, I'll have to see how I am feeling about it. I don't even know if all my old friends are still on here. |
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| Midnight |
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| 07:03am 18/03/2004 |
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mood:  depressed
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Tuesday, March 16, 2004 Midnight died. No one could have asked for a better cat than she was, she didn't reck the furniture, she didn't scratch or bite anyone, she was always there when someone needed comforting. She will always be remembered. As my brother put in his profile:
R. I. P.
-Midnight-
"Even at the darkest hour, love danced in her heart."
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| 09:32am 03/11/2003 |
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mood:  stressed
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Yeah, so I haven't updated in a while... I've been going to a different site and working on a webpage for a while, but I gguess I'll start writing in here again. So life has been boring, all my teachers decided to give me projects for the last week of the term... I thought my chemistry was due tomarrow so I didn't finish it, so that is why I am at home, working on my project. I guess I'll write more later seeing that I have to do the project. Magnesium, very interesting..... |
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| 06:19pm 12/07/2003 |
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mood:  sleepy
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Last night and today were great! I slept over my friend's mother's house it was fun. From making up dance moves to talking to...being high from fruit loops... IT WAS SO MUCH FUN! we had a grate time. We were up until 4 this morning. But then I woke up at 5 ours later because someone slammed the door shut, but oh well..I had fun! hehehe |
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| 10:55am 11/07/2003 |
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mood:  pissed off
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I am so angry at my mom! My brother gets what ever the hell he wants and doesn't have top do anything to get it from her....but me...oh, well... that's a different story, there is always something behind it. Even if I help her without he asking...no forget it..if I want something I have to do something for her first... I want to sleep over my friends house, but I have to clean my room first.... now its not that I mind it being clean its just that when it is clean I can't find anything! Now my brother he got to have a sleepover without cleaning his room...but me I have to clean it to sleep somewhere else, its not like my friend is going to see my room! MY mom makes me so mad! I have been helping her in the yard...she didn't even ask me to...I just did it...and this is the thanks I get!!! My brother always gets what he wants and god forbid I want something! aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!this makes me sooooooooooooo angry!!!!! and plus, the reason why I was helping my mom in the yard was because she was out there all alone, working hard, for MY BROTHER'S graduation party, do you think he is out there helping her? NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! It's his freakin' graduatuion party but he convieniently has to go to rehersal and work all the time! god! |
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| 08:23pm 10/07/2003 |
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mood:  bouncy
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well, I am bored, as usual, I think I need to do something to stop my boredom. my friend and I have a song and I told my mom about it, she thought it was scary. hehe. My friend's name is Christine... *breaks out in song and dance* i think i love you, so what am i so afraid of?
im afraid that im not sure of a love there is not cure for. Well i think i love you - isn't that what life was made of? though it worries me to say, i've never felt this way. *goes back to normal* aaaaaahhhhhhh...that's better... |
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| 07:03pm 08/07/2003 |
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mood:  disappointed
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Today was going to be a great day!, but then I woke up...
OK so today started out bad... had to wake up at 7 am to get ready for work(babysitting). I was extremely tired and I wanted to take a shower but had to wait for my dad to get out first, and ofcourse the one day I want to tkae a shower in the morning my dad has to take forever. So I finally got in the shower and I had to make it sure, but still I was late for babysitting.
When I got to babysitting I was having fun with the children when I decided to call my friend. She invited me to the beach at 2:00 because I was getting out at 1:00. But then I got a text message frim her saying she was headed to the beach and that she would talk to me later. So when I got home, my mom put me to work in the yard. In 90º weather.
My day when from bad to worse, not to mention that one of the kids I was babysitting jumped on my neck and now it still hurts after several hours. I am exhausted and could have definately used a day off.
...I hope tomarrow will be better... |
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| 09:23pm 07/07/2003 |
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mood:  frustrated
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Some people don't know how lucky they are. I have a friend who complains that their bf doesn't call, but all I can think of is: "atleast she has a bf."
She tries to help me find one, but it is useless...We will go to the mall looking but end up shopping...
I want to be supportive, but it is really hard. When we are together all I her from her are things about her boyfreind, and I hate hanging out with her when her boyfriend is around because when he is around I seem to disapear. I don't want to tell them this in person because it is hard for me to say this because I would probably be the same if I had a bf, but the thing is, is that I don't. And it seems that they like to rub it in my face that they do. and if I say this to them in person I will probably cry because I am a weak person(which is probably the reason why I don't have a bf in the first place).
As I am writing this I find that I get teary eyed and want to cry, and I can't help it.
I wrote something else at first, but then I cut it out and put it in my word processor thinking if I should put it in or not, and maybe I should...
Well here it is.....
"What do you do when your best friend gets a boyfriend?
I don't know what to do...my best friend got a boyfriend and now it seems like I am a ghost. She got a boyfriend a few months after we became friends. Ever since she started dating him its "Ben this and Ben that." and when we are hanging out and when we see him, its "BEN!" and then they act like I'm not even there... they make out, they have fun, and then there is me...just sitting there...not talking...not having fun...
I don't ahve a boyfriend and I am very emotional about it. I have yet to get a boyfriend, I haven't had one single boyfriend in my life. It just seems like she is rubbing it in my face that she has a boyfriend and that I don't. I get really upset that I don't... I try not to think about it... but its hard not to when my best friend only talks about hers...
I try to be supportive, but I don't know how long I can keep being supportive. She complains when he doesn't call and she never stops talking about him, whether they are complaints or not, she is always talking about it...she doesn't know how lucky she is…"
I am probably just jealous...thats what I am, a jealous witch...
If anyone ever visits here, it would be great if you commented on this... |
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| 09:43pm 05/07/2003 |
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mood:  loved music: "I think I love you" by the Partridge Family
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This is for my friend Christine...
This is our sing its called "I think I love you" by the Partridge Family:
ba ba ba ba ba ba ab ba ba ba ba ba ba ba....
I'm sleeping
and right in the middle of a good dream,
and all at once I wake up
from something that keeps knocking at my brain
before i go insane i hold my pillow to my head
and spring up in my bed screaming out the words i dread:
i think i love you! (i think i love you)
this morning
i woke up with this feeling
i didnt know how to deal with
and so i just decided to myself
i'd hide it to myself
and never talk about it
and then i go and shout it when you walk into the room:
i think i love you! ( i think i love you)
well, i think i love you, so what am i so afraid of?
im afraid that im not sure of
a love there is no cure for.
well i think i love you - isnt that what life was made of?
though it worries me to say, i've never felt this way...
ooo.....
I dont what im up against,
I dont know what it's all about,
i got so much to
think about...
heeeeeeey.....
i think i love you, so what am i so afraid of?
im afraid that im not sure of
a love there is not cure for.
Well i think i love you - isn't that what life was made of?
though it worries me to say, i've never felt this way.
believe me, you really dont have to worry.
i only want to make you happy
and if you say, "hey go away" i will,
but i think better still i'd better stay around and love you.
do you think i have a case? let me ask you to your face:
do you think you love me?
well i think i love you........(repeat till end) |
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| Ready for College? Yeah right. |
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| 05:28pm 14/06/2003 |
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mood:  calm music: Kelly Clarkson
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Sometimes I wonder about people. Such as my brother. He is 18 and is going to college next spring. But I find myself wondering if he is really ready for college. I actually don't think he would even be ready to go back to kindergarten. For example, today I was working on my history paper and he kept bothering me. When he left I thought to myself "Finally, some peace!" I was online at the time and then he signed online and started IMing me saying, "do your paper" over and over. Since he was annoying me, I warned and blocked him. Then he came up here and started yelling at me, he even got me in trouble. So then when my parents were asleep, he came back. I was still writing my paper and preoccupied with that. He was still annoyed that I warned and blocked him that he sat down next to me and kept on saying "bitch" and "brat" to me. So I ignored him because I wanted my paper done. It seemed to anger him more when I was ignoring him, because he then took something of mine, that I specifically told him not to play with, and started hitting me with it. When that failed to make any progress he then pretended to chew on it. When that didn't work he then kept playing with it and started singing. So all I did was put on my headphones and listen to my new cd. I can't help but laugh at this immaturity. I know that boys mature slower than girls but this was rediculas. I am 15, goin on 16, and he is 18, going on 19. How long do men take to mature. I am in no way infering that I am not immature, but I think that a 18-19 year old boy going to college should be more mature than a 5 year old. I also look back at what just happened and laugh because those things he did would have annoyed me last week, I wonder why I was so calm? The world may never know. |
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| 09:57pm 29/03/2003 |
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mood:  sick
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I'm sick, I caught a cld from my brother or my dad, I can't figure out who it was. I can't breathe throguht my nose and it just keeps on running.I was confirmed yesterday and I'm glad its over. I've been surfing the web because I'm sick and its the only thing I can stand to do. I found this website that had fun puns and ... well.. hope you enjoy...
~Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
~A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
~A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
~My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
~Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
~Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
~I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
~A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
~Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
~I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
~I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
~If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?
~A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
~Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
~A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
~Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
~Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
~Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
~Banning the bra was a big flop.
~Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
~Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
~A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
~Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
~A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
~Without geometry, life is pointless.
~When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
~Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
~Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
~When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. |
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| Heart Attack |
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| 08:35pm 08/11/2002 |
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mood:  worried
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6:00 - got up, took a shower, and got ready for school.
7:30 - arrive at school after my dad droped us off.
2:30 - get out of school and go to work.
4:45 - get a call from my mother "Sasha!, Dad is going to the hospital, the ambulance is here, I have to go, call you back in a min."
4:50 - Get another call from my mom, "Sasha!, you have to leave work, Betsy is picking you up and driving you and your brother to the hospital.
5:00 - Betsy arrives and we go pick jeff up and head to the hospital.
5:30 - we arrive at the hospital.
5:30 to 8:00 - at hospital getting news and worrying.
8:10 - Get home and worry.
My dad had a heart attack. It makes me worry. They say that he will be ok and that there is no peminant dammage. Even though they say all that, I ahve to think.....he is only 46.... isn't he too young? I hope that this never happens again... I don't know what I would do without him. It scares me to think about it....I don't know what to do.
It seems like a really really bad dream....but this bad dream I can't weake up from. |
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| 01:25pm 19/08/2002 |
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What is my spectrum? I am green: My main color is green. I like to have fun and comfort. Happiness is the marker of a great life. | . |
| What is my spectrum? |
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What magazine am I?
I am Gig: Making it big or at least putting on a show that doesn't suck is my aim in life. Sure, it won't actually end up happening, but its fun to try anyways.
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| What magazine am I? |
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Am I The Greatest Song In The World? Rock: Indeed, I am the greatest song in the world! But you shalt never hear me, for I am far to great to be heard by the ears of mortals. |
| Are you the greatest song in the world? |
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| I know I put it in ryans buuuuut.... |
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| 09:30pm 17/06/2002 |
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mood:  cheerful
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All things must come to an end. And it is time for this controversy to end. With last weeks journal entry Ryan has destroyed the last bit of feeling that I ever had for him. And you know what? It’s OK. From that entry I realized that Ryan hates me and that is also OK. The only feeling I have for him now is pity.
My Mom always told me that every rain cloud has a silver lining. Of course, when this all started I could not see the silver lining, but it has one too. I just could not see it and last week I understood what it was. For that I would like to thank Ryan from the bottom of my heart. He has truly given me the greatest gift, the silver lining of my rain cloud. It is all of YOU ….. my friends.
I use to be on the outside looking in. But when it all stared and I got crushed you took me into your arms and comforted me. Maybe not physically, but with your actions and comments. It feels so good knowing that I’m not alone. Your support has helped me through some difficult time. Thank you so much.
Now it is time to let go of this issue. It is time for everyone to let this issue die. Keep in mind that Ryan is your friend too. |
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| 03:45pm 09/06/2002 |
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mood:  confused
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The other day I found something out that really upset me. I was told the reason Ryan did not date me was because I was not as easy as Grace. At first it felt like another slap in the face, but the more I thought about it the more I believe it’s of a compliment for me.
I confronted Ryan and asked him about that and he told me that he has been trying to tell me, but I did not want to listen. I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t know when he was trying to tell me this. I think Ryan just wants to make himself feel better.
From what I’ve been told he put an interesting story in his live journal. He apparently wrote that I was told the wrong thing or I misunderstood, and that I intended to make him feel bad, but I accomplished the opposite. Apparently Ryan felt quite good about me being (what he thought) upset. He also seemed to feel very good about being cruel to me. Well, the conversation I had with him was not supposed to make him feel bad. I just wanted to know, if that was true.
I don’t know if this is true, because I can’t read his live journal anymore, but if he gets a kick out of being cruel to me than he is truly a looser. I have never tried to intentionally hurt him. On the contrary, I’ve always tried to defend him and everybody always told me that they couldn’t understand, why I defended him.
I have come to the conclusion that Ryan enjoys being cruel to me, which I don’t understand. What is he trying to accomplish by this? Why does it give him so much pleasure to hurt me? I really don’t know what I have done to him to make him hates me this much. The only explanation I have is that he never really liked me. I think he was just playing a game. Something like a power struggle with my brother. Whenever he gets angry with Jeff, he was trying to get back at him by hurting me. If Ryan thinks this is working, than he is greatly mistaken. Jeff could not care less. As a matter of fact, Jeff doesn’t want to hear anything about it. So, the only one Ryan is hurting is me.
I wish Ryan would stop trying to get back at Jeff.
At least, that is the only explanation I can come up with. |
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| 05:48pm 11/04/2002 |
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mood:  gloomy
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Me tired, sad, mad, and I just can't it anymore. I am tired, that I can fix, I am mad, which I can't fix because I see the evil thing I am mad at school everyday (thank god a vacation is coming up), I am sad and I dunno if I can fix that, a lot of things these days make me sad, so I'm not sure. I know I won?t be completely happy until I bring my c+ in history up. Gotta study study study, so my dad can go to honorroll breakfast.....study....study......study...study |
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| Ryan |
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| 07:15pm 22/02/2002 |
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mood:  indescribable
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Well, today was probably the lowest point in the Ryan Controversy. For the first time, since this all started, I talked to Ryan. I wanted to hear from him, how it started and what his feelings are. Well, I got an earful and found out, that he considers me a back-up still.
I could not believe it. On Wednesday he wrote in his live journal:
?I have made a horrible mistake, and I realize that. What upsets me the most is not that almost all of my friends hate me, but that I have lost Sasha forever. I would gladly go over to Sasha on my hands and knees kissing her feet and begging if I thought I could only get her to forgive me, but I doubt I could do even that. To put it all metaphorically speaking: they say everyone should stand up, unwavering, against their problems. I have made to great a mess to fix, so I'm probably just going to crawl into the corner, and try to salvage what little I have left.?
At this point I believed that there could still be something. But when we talked I found out, that trying to make up with me is to hard and to difficult for him. Ryan may say things like ?go over to Sasha on my hands and knees kissing her feet and begging for forgiveness?, but these are only words to him, written to please everyone. What a beautiful, loving thought, but you Ryan, have managed to make it ugly.
What have I done to you for you to hate me this much. I know I was mean today, when I said ?We are not friends, we are not anything anymore.? You have to understand that I was very upset. This week has been such a roller-coaster ride for me. I went from the highest high to the deepest low and up again and down again.
I was trying to leave this comment in your live journal, but you took me off your friends list.
All I wanted to tell you, Ryan, *if you want something bad enough then there is always a chance*. But I guess you didn't want it bad enough. Valentines Day you were willing to ruin your friendship with Jeff for me, and 8 days later I am nothing to you. |
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| The 13 Truths |
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| 02:04pm 22/02/2002 |
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mood:  peaceful
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1. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
2. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be
grateful.
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to |
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| 12:35am 04/07/2001 |
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I just had a lon talk with my mom. The whole time we talked, sh thought she knew my every thought. She was wrong. She thought that I was thinking stuff that she knew I was. But all the things she said that I thought were wrong. She thinks she knows me. She says she was just like me when she was 13. But she had less worries. She had basically no worries. |
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sushisasha's journal
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